I look at mish-mash on my instagram. That is how my life looks like recently. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. In one second blossom trees, another heavy rain, warm smell of cake, sip of coffee, quiet babbling of her, run over morning, routine in evening singing... Just wondered why I did not write for so long. Maybe the reason was I greedy wanted to keep  our moments just for ourselves. I scroll thousand beautiful pictures and tap hearts. One by one, one by one. I check offer of another baby shop and watch how quickly all those beautiful tiny clothes are too small for her. I make a plan of sewing a hat. Checking patterns and then I ask myself "when?". I think so often about coming back to work. And I cry. I am devastated. I am furious about the world, which shouted at me about attachment parenting, skin to skin, co-sleeping, baby wearing, baby massage, mum and baby yoga, feeding on demand and now the very same world after 6 months tells me I am needed somewhere else. What a bullshit! Why oh why I have to leave her? Making in my head scenario of the day zero when morning routine will be a luxury, when I will wave my hand and leave her for time which will be for me like eternity. I cried when my mum brought me for the very first time to creche and I will cry when I will leave my daughter. I feel weak and unprepared. Like teared in half. I am like a fool.
Forgive my tone. Just cannot say anything else tonight.

I have been waiting such long time to write this post. Every day, day by day, minute after minute, feeding after feeding was for me different. Remember when I was pregnant decision to breastfeed my baby was so natural and obvious that it just happened. I was pretty much shocked when I found Ireland as a country where breastfeeding is an achievement and great mum's sacrifice. In Poland it is default. In my mind was also. And after five months of that milky journey I am very happy and satisfied I have been able to produce precious food for my baby.


I always looked at nursing women in public. They did not bother me as it became recently very common issue. I was rather curious how this feel like. Maybe it sounds weird, but is it not a little bit like a magic? We can grow a baby and then feed it. And now I can say that the feeling is not like anything else. It is so different than any other touch. It is not like breast check for lumps. Not like accidentally touch. It is not even like gently suck during a foreplay.

I have read so many milky stories and research during my preparations to become a mum. I talked with my friends, whom babies devastated their breast. And oh my! I am so lucky my milky way has been very smooth.

When baby Z. was born, I tried to breastfeed. But to be fair I have never done it before. So she did not latch properly. I was lost. I felt so panicky, full of tears and thanks God not full yet of milk. She could not suck. She was such a sleepy head after a few trials she was falling asleep. Someone showed me trick with rubbing her chick, someone asked me to strip her down, someone touch her with wet wipe. And nothing worked. She was hungry and upset. I was terrified I will not be able to provide her food. When I was struggling for few night hours after birth and on morning I was found by "formula midwife", who just left a bottle of artificial milk on my table. But I knew it was just matter of time and appropriate person to help me. So it happened. Very young midwife, which name I do not remember came to me. She took my baby so gently, lied on me upright. She checked my breasts and they were full of colostrum. I did not do much work, did not spend hours on pumping or so as I was advised by my friends. I just wanted to feed her and those thought were all the time in my mind. The midwife found for us a position and after a while we got that. It was so new. It was so beautiful. Little trustful face relied on me. What if I would fail? I did not want to disappoint anyone: myself, my husband, but the most - my baby. So I decided to stay at hospital 24 hours more just to be sure everything was ok. Day after we were ready to go. Feeding on demand with her own pattern.

I had a chart where I supposed to write when I feed, for how long and which breast. But that was so much instinctively I could not remembered to fill down those times and numbers. She slept great, she fed good. Spitting as a baby, which was on the beginning a bit scary for us. Day three found me with enormous breasts, full so much of milk I could not imagine. But that was temporary and pain just bearable. I was so happy everything were going just fine and natural.

But milky way sometimes means ups and downs. We spent every growth spurt on breast. And it was hard, but I had always in my mind this kind of satisfaction for being able to grow my baby. I could not imagine sterilizing bottles, mixing powder and water. I am so grateful my body did it. I am amazed by nature.

If you have a choice and not sure which way of feeding your baby is better, google it. Go to La Leche League meeting, talk with midwife or maybe a friend. Do not expect to see commercial in tv. As this what is best for your little is just for free.

And maybe you want to go step forward and became a milk donor as I did? One night decided I want to share my joy and help someone else. Happy to express milk I just finished my donation and will send it to Human Milk Bank, which is running very low on its supply. If you need more info you will find it here.

Most of my friends are counting days and hours to 5pm Friday. Weekend. Good morning hangover! Do I remember any of those?
Instead I am wondering day by day how it happened baby Z is nearly 4 months. I just woke up, set kettle for a coffee and it is already evening.
Unbelievable dark view behind the window. Winter. Depressing time. Husband is away, traveling across country at work. Someone has to pay our bills. And I am at home like millions of new mums.
Just a while ago I watched online short video from Channel 4 about loneliness of new mums. That is so much truth.
Day by day. Morning after morning. Smile after smile. Fight for every minute of joy. Making plans which day I will wash my hair or which I will cut my nails. I am a mum and I do really enjoy my occupation. I think that was always my calling to be fulfilled and complete as a parent. Lucky me. It is just sometimes so overwhelming, full of sacrifice. I am not this type of mum I complain I can not go to toilet by myself. Sometimes I go. Even when I am with my baby alone at home. I still have my comfort zone and I do care about it. It is small, that is right. And some days happens when she may sleep all day and I can read a book. But why oh why the world and most of people think I died?
I catch myself all the time: "when I had proper conversation?". And I feel a huge need to talk. My friends were verified very soon after I have had baby.
Yes we do have different priorities now. If I have a choice of party or her smile and cuddly evening I will still choose the second.

Do you think we can talk only about poos, feedings, cooing? Well we, new mums, do talk about those, but between ourselves. I love that someone is able to share with me priceless experience and I love to do the same. But we do also talk as normal people. About current affairs, books, movies... Sad but true - we have sometimes only each other, this small ghetto or enclave for our conversation. That is sad most of our friends just forgot about us. But we are here, probably in greater need to talk with.

Thanks God for all events which are available for mum&baby. That is such a relief, you can get out not only for meaningless stroll, but also you can meet someone else, just like you. I mention below only few of them, which I attended and you can do so even when your baby is still very small. Hope you will find it helpful!

La Leche League Trinity College

That was one of my first social group where I went. Z. was one week old at that time. No troubles with feeding, but I just wanted to get out and find other mums. I still like to go there. See all babies are growing, check what I can expect in few months and if I have any doubts just ask- someone will have a solution for sore nipples, sticky eye or expressing milk- for sure! Those meetings are priceless. I can talk and listen and Z. can sleep and play whenever she likes!

Tots and Tums

One of my first exercises after giving birth. It is a postnatal class for babies and mums. You can practice your pelvic floor and check how you getting on with tummy muscles. I found it very helpful and supportive. Also I met few mums who has children in very same age. It was actually few minutes from our place on Cork Street in Bru Chaomhin - handy! It is just one class, once per month and free of charge.

Mum&baby yoga

Many yoga studios has in an offer such classes for you. I went few times and... left very sweaty. Unfortunately studio when I did my pregnancy yoga is far away and trip for us would take ages, so I decided for place in city centre. I caught an idea and Z. did also. Now we have few great exercises we can do together or sometimes we just jump into studio for a class. It is great fun and hard work. I do prefer lighter attitude in yoga, focus on body not workout, so this place did not really work for me, but sometimes you need a push and sweat over your back to feel better. I also learn funny nursery rhymes!

Bring along baby in National Concert Hall

Music and babies are for me perfect combination. So we do play guitar with Z., listen to music. She even has one melody which will calm her down every time or her music box which will make her smile. It is like a magic. So are those concerts. I would say it is very intimate, but audience is large! Toddlers, babies, mums and dads. That is just  amazing to gather whole families in lunchtime! There was only two musicians, playing classical music and actually just enough. As far we heard the music it was quiet. All children were so much interested, calm I could not believe it actually happened! Obviously when concert ended everything came back to normal and children made same noise as before. But that hour of music was just priceless! Real must go, but

Mum&baby venue guide

Shopping, shopping, shopping. Sometimes I am afraid wintertime is all about that. First - before Christmas thousands of pilgrims buy presents. And then in January - trips and travels to sales destinations. I visited few shops in those times, but did not get crazy about buying. I just hate crowds, queues, battles over a pair of trousers or striving to changing rooms. And as a breastfeeding mother I get hungry so fast! So thanks God for spots just in the middle of crazy aisles.

Kilkenny Shop Cafe & Restaurant

15 Nassau St, D2

Opening hours:
Mon-Sat 8:30 - 17
Sun 10-17


Well-known place to buy Christmas tree decorations, Orla Kiely's bags, Irish crafts or just souvenirs. Did you know upstairs you can get a cup of coffee and lunch? Oh well! Not only those! They do Irish breakfast, brunch with live jazz music on weekend, hot and cold lunches, but they also have great selection of cakes, scones, pastries. They are always busy, so especially in December is hard to get a table, but if you will you won't regret. Affordable prices. Good old Irish cuisine with a twist and old fashion darker roast of coffee. It is not my favorite, but a mug of steamy filter and a plate with breakfast goodies never disappointed. They do not have a lift and stairs are rather significant barrier. But there is always a security guy next to the door ready to help. Who would not give a hand with buggy? Upstairs you will find roughly 10 high chairs, changing facilities. They will help you with baby food and if your toddler is into toasties they are ready to make you special sandwich. Staff is very nice, so let them help you with a tray. Seating area has small and bigger family tables and if your little one will fall asleep you can just watch through big window life passing by or just stare at Trinity College. Definitely worth a visit after shopping expedition!

Third Space Smithfield

14, 7 Smithfield
Arran Quay
D7

Opening hours:
Mon-Fri 7:30 - 19
Sat-Sun 9-15

I got there actually totally by accident. And I was quite surprised! It is a place of decent tuna panini, which reminds me time when I moved into Dublin. There is good selection of homemade salads, sandwiches and frittatas. Humble fast food. Inexpensive and very simple. Coffee from Badger and Dodo seems to be also well prepared. But the most important is the space. Quite enough room between tables gives chance to squeeze buggy. No lie, when I was there I think I saw at least three mothers. They have changing unit in toilet, few high chairs. And huge shelving with enormous amounts of books! So just imagine - good toasted sandwich, hot cuppa, sleeping baby and book of your choice. Sounds like home! It is fast paced environment, but I bet you can find a little sanctuary for yourself.

Quiet house. It's dark morning. St. Stephens day. For me is second day of Christmas. I am laying between my two lovely sleepy heads and my stomach is killing me. I am getting older.
I realized I do not know much about Irish Christmas. I know you buy turkey, cook cranberry sauce and open presents beside tree on Christmas morning...
It is such a challenge to keep traditon. Not even Irish, Polish or any other, but it is hard in general. Maybe it is caused by fast living, running around our lives. Or maybe we are just lazy after all and nobody wants to run again to reach the tradition finishing-line.
I was lucky this year. Did not have to go to work. Even my husband has had few days off so we could really focus on slow Christmas. Especially we had one more reason, our little baby Z. I was a little bit affraid how we will manage feedings, changings or so with all cooking and cleaning. But we just jumped into that and once again let it go. I have dirty windows. It is such a serious thing in Poland to have them cleaned and sparkling for Christmas! Nope, not me, not this year.
I planned to bake a special coffee cake for Christmas and I did not. Well I have home made mince pies, poppy seed strudel, fruit cake with sherry, gingerbread cookies and ginger bread bundt cake with guiness. I think it may be enough...
Polish Christmas is so much prep! Celebrations begin actually on Christmas Eve. We cook 12 dishes! Family recipes are priceless. So here you go: dumplings with mushroom and sauerkraut, borscht, carp fish, fish a'la greek, mushroom ravioli, dried fruit compote drink, salads, cakes, beans with marjoram and prunes... It is quite heavy but also delicious and reminds me so much about my family home. Every Polish region is slightly different and those dishes may obviosly vary.
So I think I spent 2 or 3 days in kitchen. But not entire days! It was slowly cooking, planning with a culmination on 24th. And honestly does not matter how many days it will be I will never be on time with the supper. But I love that! It is such a fun to make dumplings together, share frying of carp- "you fry this now, I will get dress and swap you".
So finally. Traditionally we start when first star will light up on the sky. This year it was 6pm. And I was starving! Suppering last quite long. So there was us 4- our family and our great friend, 12 dishes + extra milk for baby, a tiny wafer, which we share and say wishes to each other, one empty plate for a stranger who might come this night, computer to connect with family in Poland, christmas tree and presents brought by Star Man (Gwiazdor) instead of Santa which we usually open after supper. Everyone has to try every dish, otherwise there will be no luck in next year. So I tried. And I did it again yesterday! Auch!
I serve big breakfast with all leftovers and roast on 25th and make festive dinner on 26th. But we just ate all day long! Auch! With a break for a walk. And there was on streets only couples with buggies.
Love our laziness, all chats, playing with little Z., watching movies. And I love that we did not drowned in this run for presents and consumerism. In my head and heart is small newborn baby, poor and cold, lied down in a crib, scared and trustful mum just after delivery and carying, fearful dad. I do see more now the carnal aspect of Christmas which hapened tousands years ago and try to imagine them.
And I still need to believe in the magic and miracle.

Happy Christmas my dear friends!

That is going to be our first Christmas with baby. I am getting slowly in the mood. Did not do yet list what I am going to cook, but still have plenty of time. And also this year we are both on holidays, so no rushing between kitchen and busy workplaces. Presents are such an important thing in Ireland. Everybody gets crazy, shops are so busy I try to avoid city centre in December and do my shopping as a very planned or just online. But we also have our small tradition and every year we go for Dublin Flea Christmas Market. It is much bigger then usual flea market which takes place on every last Sunday on Newmarket Street in D8. I am a huge fan of bric-a-brac and supporter of small local companies especially involved in fair-trade and organic movement as well as just beautiful well-designed trinkets. But this year was special as we went there to find something for Z. She is too small for box of chocolates, so I wanted a gift which will be a toy for future but also a memory of her first Christmas. Will you guess what I have chosen? Have a look on all those loveliness for babies, toddlers and children what I found there. And if you did not have plans for tomorrow here is an idea to check crowded Point Village!

Vintage for children

Skincare for baby 

Dublin Herbalists oil and balm

Hand made herbal skin salve - Herbalist without borders

Cloths 

A bear from Stencilize

Vintage dresses from Golden Child

Tiny creative tee, 100% cotton from Grown

Toys

One of my favorite Guadalupe Creations bunny dolls

angels and Santa Clauses

Frida and Baby Bowie!

Mira mira is a treasure of remarkable child's-play

heart-shape box and wooden puzzles, cars

Saturday workshop wooden rocket

Teddy-bots! 

Mish mash of soft harmless animals from Magic Forest

Furniture for fairies' houses from Fairyhill

Small and me: everything for teething little ones to keep them busy and distracted 

Food 

(to keep you going)

Great selection of food stalls - simple toasties, freshly brewed coffee and tea, mulled wine, pies, falafels from guys from Fumbally and...

one of not many chances to try Asian cuisine by Katie Sanderson: mish mash between Korean Bim Bap and a Japanese donburi. Simply and delish nourishment for your tummy!

And after...

just get festive with mince pie!

And that is not all! 

Even daddy with little helper hunted some gems!

One of my passions is good coffee, which I got from my husband, and food. With food is a long story as even at my family home we always liked to cook. My dad every summer made preserves: jams, jellies, marmalades, cornichons and much more, his imagination never stop! And my mum cooked every day for us. She taught me how to make sponge cake when I was 5 or 6 years old and I was able to make surprise birthday cakes when I was just 8. I had my own cook book with Winnie the Pooh and tried so many recipes from there. 

Now I am in love with few chefs, Jamie Oliver and Yottam Ottolenghi are my tops. And I love to go out and eat. Try new tastes, new cuisines. Every trip has its own trail in cafes and restaurants. Has it changed since I became a mother? Well I do not drink as I breastfeed, but I miss only cold glass of white wine in summertime and a mug of mulled wine in wintertime. We go out mostly for lunches, coffees but I do not see any reason why we can not eat also dinner. And it happen few times, obviously not at 9 o'clock as Z. is at that time bathed and ready to sleep. But going to any venue with baby means that every mum will choose convenient place. So let me introduce my little...

Mum&baby venue guide

First Draft Coffee 

3 Curved St, Dublin

Opening hours:

mon-fri 10-17

sat 11-16

sun closed

Secretly hidden cafe on first floor in Filmbase in Temple Bar Dublin 2. That makes quiet and relaxing atmosphere far away from crowdy streets and running people. It is run by Ger, lovely guy, who will always make you feel special and the most important person in the world: his customer. If you do not know anything about speciality coffee, how to taste it, how to extract and find all beautiful fruity notes here is the guy! I drunk many times absolutely stunning cuppa there made with The Barn beans so I guarantee you will not regret a visit. If you are hungry they have simple and short menu: homemade soup, sandwiches. And if you are sweet tooth like me try wild flour bakery goodies. Lovely small cakes in many flavors which combinations sometimes are a bit strange, but believe me they will change your thinking about a treat. And if you are a tea drinker they also have few types of teas and herbals. 

Place is very spacious. Few tables beside huge window, big table for groups, friends or family in the middle and every cosy space with armchairs. Delicate light, raw concrete look and few Spathiphyllum plants give this spot unbelievable warmth. Or maybe it just people. 

So you can easily find comfort space to breastfeed and enough room to park your buggy. Even cafe is not on ground floor you can get there easy with lift. Also there is a changing unit in toilet for disabled. Unfortunately they do not have high chairs, but will offer you a bowl with boiling water to heat up your bottle or baby food. Must visit and recently my number one for long cheat chats with friends. 

The Fumbally 

 

Fumbally Ln,
Merchants Quay,
Dublin 8
Opening hours:
tue, thu, fri 8-17
wed 8-17 and 19.30-21
sat 10-17
sun, mon closed

Fumbally can be loved or hated. But well, most of people love the spot! That makes them so busy during lunch time and on Saturdays! So if you like queueing that is perfect time for you. But even there is busy the atmosphere is always like in good friend's house. Controlled mess, collection of vintage furnitures, books, posters, "All sorrows are less with bread" by Don Quixote written on black board and actually huge basket of bread makes that place so friendly. Open kitchen invite you to be a witness of the show of natural and intriguing flavors. They do almost everything themselves! Dairy free cappuccino? - here you go: sunflower seeds milk on espresso made with 3fe or The Barn beans. They control milk waste and baristas' leftovers are process into homemade ricotta. How clever is that?! Food is seasonal and organic. Definitely it is one of my top taste inspiration! You have to try their falafel. So simple! So delicious! It will not be a lie when I say I just love there every bite of everything and in reasonable prices. Also it is spacious for buggy, but you will notice probably more baby wearing parents than anywhere else. A minus is few steep stairs on entrance, but someone always will give you hand. Changing unit in toilet. Just ask them to heat up baby food and if you run out of snack for your little grab a piece of bread for tiny hands - it is much healthier than any baby cookies! If you have never been there yet, it is a must! 

  

Considered Cafe 

35-36 Drury Street 

Dublin 2

Opening hours:

mon-wed, fri 8.30-18

thu 8.30-19

sat 10-18

sun 12-17

For me it is a place for tea and scone (3.50 deal!). Great selection of Matthew Algie caffeinated and herbal infusions will make your cold morning better: organic roiboos with honey (jut ask!), apple loves mint, red berry mix- yumm! Huge scones are homemade and my favorite - full of raspberries. But be quick, sometimes they are gone before 11 am. For lunch they serve homemade sandwiches and hearty soups. And again in great price. Try now turkey sandwich, it is just the right time to taste that delicious combination of stuffing, meat and cranberries. 

Place have plenty of seats, as they just refurbished, but I try to avoid it between 1-2pm, as it is very busy and loudly. There is not much space for buggy, but if you do not need it beside you, ask staff and they will help you to park in corridor. Changing unit in ladies upstairs. They have one high chair so be quick to grab it before other mum. They can offer you bowl of boiling water to heat up baby food. If you have any special orders for older children like cheese tostie or babycino that is the place to make your little ones happy! When leaving do not forget to grab little gift to feel up your Xmas stocking, they have great selection of knick-knacks designed by Helen James in collaboration with Dunnes Stores. 

Hope you will like the idea of my guide and it will be helpful for all mums who are concern where to go for a coffee to feel comfortable like at home. If you have your favorite places let me know! I will check them soon!